Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Cleaning Up Your Dirty Talk

When it comes to whispering naughty naughty things in your partner's ear, context matters.

If you and your partner are into such things, here's something to experiment with.

Notice I said, you and your partner. These are NOT for use with strangers or people you've gone on one date with. You've been warned.

To me, there are two types of dirty talk.

I call them Turning On talk and Getting Off talk.

Turning on talk is about building tension and anticipation. I tend to make it more indirect, 'flowerier', and use a lot more sense details. When I'm using turning on talk, I also leave a lot more to the imagination.

Turning On talk is more for when you're apart and looking forward to what you'll do to each other when you see each other next. Or when you're together but in circumstances where fooling around isn't possible (at the opera or your parents house or something)

 Examples of turning on talk might include: "I was just thinking about the way you touch me" or "You were in my dreams last night," "It's hard to concentrate when I know I'll be seeing you later. I keep thinking about   or "I'm shopping for something new to wear just for you. What's your favorite color?"

Getting off talk tends to be shorter, sharper, and more direct. It's more for use towards the run-up to climax whether that's happening in the bedroom or over Skype or whatever the latest technology is.

I also find that it's possible to misuse both kinds of dirty talk. If you're in the getting off phase, turning on talk can be distracting and annoying; if you're in the turning on phase, getting off talk can be crude and inappropriate.

So just like so many other things, the type of talk you use will depend on what works for you personally and what you are trying to accomplish.

-May All Beings Be Sexy

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Time Is On Your Side

Time is on your side.

I don't mean that you have forever. Life ends for all of us.

I mean that whatever else is going on in your life, every moment you have is a chance to practice the things you value.

Keep at it.

-May All Beings Be Sexy

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Greek Love

Epictetus, a Greek Philosopher, was one of the minds behind Stoicism.

He wrote a book about it.

But all you need to know is the first line. It goes like this:

"Some things are in our control and others are not."

After that, what else needs to be said?

-May All Beings Be Sexy

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Don't Get Grabby

Image result for grabbing images

Was at a party attended by not one, but two Grabby People the other weekend.

The male grabby person was attempting to proposition women by physically putting his hands on them. On the dance floor, a drunk woman was doing variations of the same thing to guys.

Which was handy as far as examples go, because it means we can sidestep the Gender Subject and go straight to the point.

Don't grab people you don't know.

Here are three reasons why.

A) It makes people feel weird and uncomfortable.
B) In some places, it's illegal.
C) As far as getting people interested in you goes, it doesn't work.

Physically grabbing someone you've just met without some sort of verbal or non-verbal invitation from her will not necessarily get her/him more interested in you. Touch is important, but doing it badly early is worse than not doing it at all.

If you are person with a tendency towards excessive Grabbiness, here are three things to try.

1 - Keep in mind the No Thumbs principle, especially the first few times you touch someone. There are a lot of ways to touch someone that don't involve grabbery. Remembering "No Thumbs" keeps you using those ways first.

2 -  Don't touch someone unless they touch you first..

A quick caveat: I've seen people do very well by initiating touch. I've also found that some inexperienced daters need to be taught that touch is essential, and that it is okay to show physical interest by making that first contact. If you fall into one of those categories, this practice might not apply to you, although it might be something to experiment with to broaden your horizons.

But if you HAVE found yourself getting feedback that you fall into the 'excessively grabby' category, practice not touching someone until they touch you first.

The other person doesn't have to do anything huge like a hug or a hand-hold. Sometimes it can be light as brushing something off your jacket, touching your shoulder to make a point, or the old Sticky Arms test. But until they've shown some level of physical interest or comfort in touch with you, hold back.

(Incidentally, that doesn't mean the second they touch you, you IMMEDIATELY touch them back, because depending on the situation, it might seem unnatural, like kids on a playground ("You punched me, so now I get to punch you back.").Just file the information "It's okay to touch a little" away for future refernce.)

3 - If you're in a situation where touch is required, instead of touching them, invite them to touch you.

For example, if you're asking someone to dance, instead of taking them by the hand, hold out your hand for THEM to take.

Understand that these are not rules. They are also not meant as "correction" or a reflection of your desirability. You can be Grabby and still be a good person with good intentions.

They are things to try and see what happens.

- May All Beings Be Sexy

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

The Gateway Boyfriend Is Taking A Break

The plan is to return to regular posting in April although there may be sporadic updates.

It's also possible the blog will go back to a less regular posting schedule.

We'll see what happens.

Whichever way things go, I wish you all the best.

-May All Beings Be Sexy

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Life Teaches Us

A 22 year old woman I know told me, "If my relationship ended, I don't think I could handle it.'

She's wrong. We can all handle much more than we think we can.

Often life doesn't give us a choice.

Death happens. Divorce happens. Infidelity happens.

Many of us find ourselves experiencing pain we never thought we'd experience or making choices we never thought we would.

Even the toughest moments are still moments.

We get through them.

Life teaches us.

Stay strong, folks.

-May All Beings Be Sexy