Are you obsessing over someone?
If so, want to know something weird but true?
Some of the relationships we obsess over the most are the ones where there is the LEAST amount of actual relationship. The less contact we have the person, the more we obsess.
Sometimes it's a crush. Sometimes it's a real relationship, but a one-sided one, where one person is more invested than the other. Sometimes it happens in online or long-distance relationships, where we don't spend a lot of time in each other's company.
In these types of relationships, the brain has a lot of time to think and obsess.
The danger with this kind of obsession is that it leads to unsolvable problems.
Because, you aren't dealing with a relationship with the person. You're dealing with a relationship with a ghost created by your own brain.
Personally, I think this type of thinking DEPENDS to a degree on the person's physical or emotional absence to develop. Because without that distance your brain can't 'fill in the blanks' and run away with my emotions the same way. There needs to be a perceived ambiguousness to the situation.
That element is often there in new relationships, especially at the beginning, but it's more like a shared fantasy you're enjoying together. And as much fun as the fantasy is, in the better relationships I've seen, both recognized it as a fantasy and enjoyed it while it lasted while remaining grounded in reality at the same time.
With unrequited love, absentee, or online relationships, the reality isn't there or as strong. There's no reality to bring yourself back to so it can be easy to get 'unmoored' emotionally and start seeing the fantasy as more solid than it actually is.
Ironically, these are sometimes the hardest relationships to let go of. You see the person LESS, but you think about them MORE, so the imprint left on your brain is that much stronger. And the imprint isn't that of a real person...it's a fantasy your own mind created designed to be as addictive and irresistible as possible.
Remember: When making decisions about a relationship, deal with the one that is happening in reality, not the one that is taking place in your brain.
Think about a recent charged conversation or incident you had with another person that you've been obsessing about. Write down what you think happened. Write down your reactions, your thoughts, your worries and hopes about the incident. Write down why it's important and what the outcome of this means for you.
Then go back over the interaction and write down only WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED. Restrict yourself to observable behavior--what the other person said or did. Write that down as well.
Do you notice any differences? What can you learn from this?
-May All Beings Be Sexy