If you’re going to take my advice, you should know something about me.
Hence this posts, and others like it. Over time I hope you’ll get a clear enough picture of me to decide if I‘m worth listening to or not. I talk a lot about honesty and being accountable for yourself. Diary of a Gateway Boyfriend is my way of practicing what I preach. So is putting my real name to the things I write.
Not everything I write in these entries will be 100% true. Names (except for mine) and identifying details will be changed and I won’t be writing about people I‘m currently dating. I also imagine I’ll sometimes write things in a way that makes me sound either better or worse than I actually I am.
But even if not all the facts are true, I AM going to try to be honest. You have to be when you’re the Gateway Boyfriend (or girlfriend).
So let me be honest about this. I am not a guru. I am not a relationship expert. I am not a PUA or a dating coach or even someone with a particularly stable romantic life. I’m just a guy who through some quirk of genetics or upbringing found himself strangely suited for a unacknowledged, unpaid role he never knew existed.
I’m the Broken Hearted Bodhisattva, the Achalanatha d’Amour, the Compassionate Degenerate, the Shaman of Sexy. I’m the Gateway Boyfriend. Or A Gateway Boyfriend, at any rate. I’m sure there are other guys like me, although the only two other people I’ve met in a similar situation to mine are both women.
Do I like it?
That’s a great question, and I don’t know the answer.
Here are a few questions that come up from time to time:
Is there something wrong with me? Am I a bad person? Will I ever find Tru Wuv? Why can’t I have a normal life with a normal wife like a normal person?
Am I making a difference?
These are great questions, but they aren’t HELPFUL questions. They’re too big. The more I try and answer them the more confused things get.
Far more helpful to stay with my breath and my body. Easier to remember I don’t have to answer the big questions.
There’s only one question that matters.
What can I do right now?
Or more accurately: What can I do right now that will be helpful?
That question anchors me. It reminds me I don’t need to figure everything out at once. All I need to do is pay attention and be honest with myself.
It’s not always as easy as it sounds, but I do my best.
While I‘m here, I might as well tell you about my plans for this blog. I’m hoping for guest articles from writers who also have readers’ best interests at heart, so folks can see points of view other than mine. I have an ebook I’ve written--Dating for Shy Guys--and I also want to be able to offer phone support. I’m not crazy about giving these things away because that implies they’re value-less. At the same time, I feel charging a set fee goes against the whole reason I’m doing this in the first place. My current plan is to try and set offer the e-book and counseling on a for-donations basis, but we’ll have to see what the technology and the taxman have to say about that.
That’s all in the future though, and ultimately I don‘t know what‘s going to happen. I do know writing this blog helps me. Even if I never end up a normal person in a normal marriage with a normal wife I’m still making the best contribution I know how to stronger, healthier, happier relationships.
Whoever you are and wherever you are, I hope something here helps you. Because just by reading it, you‘ve certainly helped me..
-May All Beings Be Sexy
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