Friday, June 18, 2010

Don't Stop Trusting

We often think of trust as something we give to other people.

It isn’t.

You don’t put it in an envelope, seal it, put a stamp on it, and have it delivered. People can’t break into your house and steal trust. Nor can they borrow a box, lose it, and leave you one box of trust poorer.

Trust is not something that can be taken from you against your will. How much you have in your life depends entirely on you.

If you’ve been betrayed in a relationship, it is natural to have problems trusting, giving rise to suspicion, jealousy, or the determination to do unto others before you are done unto yourself. But jealousy, suspicion, and the like have a tendency to push away trustworthiness, leading to more bad relationships. More bad relationships leads to less trust. Less trust brings up more suspicion, hostility, and jealousy. More suspicion, hostility, and jealousy leads to even less effective relationships…and the downward spiral continues.

It is counter-intuitive, but lack of trust puts you more at risk of betrayal. You might think you are playing it smart. You might think you are ‘refusing to be played.’ But when you cut yourself off from your ability to trust, you are most in danger of the very things you are trying to avoid.

Because all trust is based in trusting yourself.

When we say:

I trust you to be honest.

What we mean is:

I trust myself to know who I can believe.

Trusting does not mean blindly believing. We can trust people to be unreliable. We can trust ourselves to know when someone does not have our best interests at heart.

Trust is having faith in your own judgment.

When you turn away from trusting or offer only conditional trust, you are teaching yourself that you cannot rely on your own intuition. Losing faith in yourself will lead to a lot of bad decisions. You will push trustworthy people away. You will leave yourself open to manipulation. And you won’t find your relationships a lot of fun.

Practice having faith in yourself. If you’ve made mistakes or been unlucky, this can be a scary thing, so start small, if you that‘s what you need.

But build that ability to trust. There is no safer shelter from betrayal.

-May All Beings Be Sexy.

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1 comment:

  1. I have had trust ripped from me in the most brutal and impossible fashion, but I don't think it has made me jealous, suspicious, or hostile of other people. It has, I must admit, made me lose a great deal of faith in my ability or willingness to be in a relationship, but that's not about them, it's about me. I just don't care for the idea as a whole.