Thursday, July 22, 2010
[Editorial] A Woman’s Sexual History
“Men don’t marry women who have slept with a lot of guys.”
I’ve seen this statement in a number of different places. Sometimes it’s said out loud. Other times it’s left implied, but unspoken, which has the potential to cause even more damage.
Now it’s true that sexual promiscuity can be an indicator of other issues. But if so, it’s a symptom, not the problem.
It’s also true that some guys (and women) will judge women based on their sexual history. But their problem with your sexual history is just that--THEIR problem. It sucks, especially if those people are in a position to cause trouble in your life, but it doesn’t make you a bad person.
Damaged goods are in the eye of the beholder. And judgement is ultimately self-destructive (We've talked about Judgement--or rather Non-judgement here).
If you are a guy who decides you won't hook up with a woman because of her past, you're the one missing out. She will be fine. She'll just go find someone else.
If you're the kind of guy with a pattern of sleeping with a woman as soon as possible and then judging her for it, that's a sadder case. You are hurting women, true. Most women will get over it and move on. Some will be hurt and will carry this hurt forward into the future.
But you are still mostly hurting yourself. If the women who sleep with you are damaged, what does that say about you?
I agree that men and women should have standards. If a woman's history means that much to you, that's fine. But recognize it's YOUR criteria. It doesn't make her a bad person. It just means it isn't what you're looking for. Personally, I think when it comes to deabreakers there are more important hills to die on, but that's my opinion.
Other people's choices are not your problem. YOUR choices are your problem.
I’m not encouraging promiscuity for its own sake. There are compelling reasons a woman (or man, for that matter) should make responsible sexual choices. However, “Because some asshole might judge you for it” doesn’t strike me as one of them.
I admit I’m biased on this issue.
I lost my virginity late in life. I was insecure about it, but I’ve yet to meet a woman who has ever made me feel badly about it.
If women are able to accept me for my sexual history, I feel I owe them the same courtesy.
-May All Beings Be Sexy
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