The thirteen words that make up the next paragraph may strike some as painfully obvious. For a lot of us, it’s just painful. I’ve learned to swallow many truths over the course of my love life, but this particular pill did not go down easy.
Sometimes the ones we love fall in love with people who aren’t us.
Worse, there is nothing we can do about it.
Jealousy doesn‘t work. Guilting doesn‘t work. Rules don‘t work. If anything, those things make a person more likely to stray.
The most effective strategy is the one that feels the most vulnerable…trusting them and trusting yourself to know how to be the best partner you can. Failing that, you have to trust that you and your partner have the wisdom to know when to fight for what you have and when it is better to walk away.
But not only that is a tall order, it is no guarantee of success either.
It is possible you haven’t been doing the things you could have to maintain the relationship. It is possible you have reasons for this. Or maybe you’ve already broken up, but you have hopes of getting back together.
Or maybe you DON’T want to get back together. Maybe you just see how quickly they found someone else, and it hurts, possibly even makes you wonder if they already had this other person in mind before they ended the relationship.
Or maybe it has nothing to do with you at all.
It isn’t up to you who your partner falls in love with. In some ways, it isn’t always even up to them.
Sometimes there might be something you can do. A gesture of commitment, a show of support, an ultimatum.
Other times there will be nothing you can do but grieve.
Sometimes the ones we love fall in love with people who aren’t us
I’ve been there. It’s painful. I wish I had more comfort to offer. I won’t ask you to like it.
But sometimes learning to accept it is the next best thing.
1. Say the words to quietly yourself: “Sometimes the ones we love fall in love with people who aren’t us”
2. Can you accept this is possible? What feelings come up when you do this? Notice them. Give them their due.
3. Repeat steps 1 and 2 five or ten times. If you are in a situation where someone you love loves someone else, do this every day for a week.
See what happens.
-May All Beings Be Sexy
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