Tuesday, August 31, 2010
B.S. Dating Advice: “Just Be Yourself”
Okay, technically, “Be Yourself” is not B.S. advice.
In fact, it’s fabulous advice. Fantastic. Stupendous even. This simple, easy-to-remember two-word phrase is the best advice you could get and is the key to success not just in dating, but in life itself.
Well, except for the one tiny, niggling little detail that most people haven't the slightest clue what it means.
A lot of folks misinterpret “be yourself” to mean “Keep doing the same thing you’re doing.”
It doesn’t. You can make changes without changing yourself.
In fact, often being yourself means you HAVE to make changes. Because being yourself also means letting go of the things that keep you from being yourself--defensiveness, shyness, all those other -nesses that we all have adopted over the years.
Being yourself means presenting yourself honestly and genuinely without trying to impress people. It means deciding for yourself what kind of life you want and not worrying too much what other people think. It means stay true to yourself.
Great stuff. Bravo. Who could argue with any of this?
Nobody, that's who. But it does bring us to the second problem with "Be Yourself."
Being told to “Just be yourself” doesn’t tell you how to do any of those things we talked about.
Answering “how do I become more successful in love?” with “just be yourself” is like answering the question “how do I become a pilot?” with “Just fly a plane.”
A lot of us don’t know who we are. You can't be yourself until you know who 'yourself' is. Learning about ourselves is an ongoing process. Sometimes it takes effort; sometimes it happens without us even realizing it.
You can't flip a switch and become yourself. Becoming yourself is about growing, and that takes time and attention.
“Be Yourself” is fine advice. The real question is “how?”
What do you think? I look forward to hearing your thoughts in the comments section.
-May All Beings Be Sexy
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