Thursday, December 30, 2010

If Your New Year's Resolution Is To Improve Your Love Life...

Check out The Heart Way.

It's helped many others. It can help you too.

The Heart Way is a support group for anyone looking to improve their love life. Whether you're single or attached, hooking up, breaking up, or ready to give up, The Heart Way is here to offer support as we work on becoming accountable for our own romantic happiness without guilt or blame.

There is no charge but donations are gratefully accepted.

WHEN: 7PM, Tuesday, January 11 & Tuesday, February 1
WHERE: Woodcroft Library Program Room - Edmonton

Space is limited. Email thegatewayboyfriend@gmail.com to register.

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.

Join The Heart Way Support Group on Facebook here.

Monday, December 20, 2010

The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year



I have mixed feelings about this time of the year.

I love the family time, the feeling of satisfaction of finding the perfect gift for someone, and oh yes, the food.

I also find it stressful.

Judging from the lives of the people around me, I'm not alone.

Holidays and romantic relationships can also combine for a lot of stress from the balancing act between keeping two families happy, to being the only one without a partner at Christmas dinner again and everything in between.

I don't know how much posting I'll be doing over the next two weeks, so I encourage you take the time you'd normally have spend clicking on this blog to do something for a loved one, or even a stranger, or even (gasp!) yourself. I will be checking in on emails at thegatewayboyfriend's gmail address, though I may take a little longer to reply than normal. Gateway Boyfriends need holidays too.

This can be a wonderful time of year if you let it. It can also be a difficult time of year if you let it. It can even be a little bit of both.

Do the best you can, appreciate the good, and remember you aren't alone.

-May All Beings Be Sexy

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.

Join The Heart Way Support Group on Facebook here.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

2011 Heart Way Meeting Dates

The Heart Way is a support group for anyone looking to improve their love life. Whether you're single or attached, hooking up, breaking up, or ready to give up, The Heart Way is here to offer support as we work on becoming accountable for our own romantic happiness without guilt or blame.

There is no charge but donations are gratefully accepted.

WHEN: 7PM, Tuesday, January 11 & Tuesday, February 1
WHERE: Woodcroft Library Program Room - Edmonton

Space is limited. Email thegatewayboyfriend@gmail.com to register.

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.

Join The Heart Way Support Group on Facebook here.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

University of Kansas Flirting Survey

What's your flirt style?

Find out here.

Have fun

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.

Join The Heart Way Support Group on Facebook here.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

A Reminder

Remember your sense of humor.

- May All Beings Be Sexy

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.

Join The Heart Way Support Group on Facebook here.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Commitment (Part 2)



Driving in the dark is dangerous and scary.

But in relationships, there is no other choice. It doesn’t matter if you’ve just met or have been married for years. You can never know the road ahead.

It goes a lot easier though, if you turn on the headlights. You might not be able to see what’s around the next curve, but at least you have a view of what’s directly in front of you.

We like to minimize uncertainty in relationships. When it comes to commitment, we can know our own minds and hearts. Unfortunately, we can’t know the mind and heart of our partner, which leads to the eternal question.

“How do I know if they are committed to me?”

Here is a five step process, you might find helpful.

1 - Watch their behaviour. A lot of people are good at saying the right things, but behaviour does not lie. Watch what they do. If they are committed, you will see it. If they are shying away, you will see it. If they are ambivalent--committed one day and pulling away the next--it will be apparent.

How someone behaves is a great starting point. However it doesn’t tell us what is BEHIND the behavior. So how do we find this out?

Well, the obvious thing to do is to ask. But that isn’t the next step.

2 - Let them know where you are. The best way to get someone to open up to us is to open up to them first. Let them know how you are feeling, what you notice, where things are going for you.

The trick with this is to ONLY talk about yourself and to be specific. For example:

NOT SO HELPFUL: “You don’t seem to be committed to me. You’re never there when I need you.”

HELPFUL: “I really like you, but I’m unsure about where things are going. Yesterday, I thought we had plans, so when I didn’t hear from you, I was confused.”

NOT SO HELPFUL: “You’re getting too attached. Stop being so clingy.”

HELPFUL: “I’ve been feeling these days, like I need more space. I’m not sure I’m ready for something super-serious.”

3 - After you’ve said your piece, wait for them to respond. Often, you won’t have to ask them anything. Just saying what’s on your mind is enough to open the conversation. If they don’t say anything, change the subject, or seem to miss the point, return to step 2 and then…

4 - Ask for feedback. Good ways to do this are “What do you think?” “I‘m wondering how you feel about that,” or “Can you tell me what was happening there?”

A less good way might be: “Why are you such an asshole/crazy bitch?”

5 - Go back to Step 1 and notice how what they tell you measures up with their behavior. If the words and behavior don’t match, go through the cycle again.

That said, don’t get lost in the steps. This process really only needs two ingredients.

The first is a willingness and ability to express yourself honestly.
The second is trust [link]. Trust the other person to be themselves, and to let you know what you need to know from them, whether it comes verbally or not. Trust yourself to be able to read those signs.

Good luck. Hope this profides a little light for the next time you're driving in the dark.

-May All Beings Be Sexy

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.

Join The Heart Way Support Group on Facebook here.

Monday, December 6, 2010

The Hips Don't Lie

I attended a reggaeton dancing workshop yesterday through the fine people at Salsaddiction. It was fun.

Most of my posts are about the mental and emotional components to better lovin', but there's a physical component to love as well. I've touched on it in a few articles so far.

Remember your body. The better you learn to pay attention to it, the better of you'll be. You'll feel better about yourself, you'll be better in bed, and you'll be more attractive.

You don't need to turn into one of those excercise fanatics (though you can if you wan to) and I'm not saying you can't find love unless you look like these people.

I'm saying do what you can with what you have. Don't be less than the best you that you can be--whatever that means.

And stay tuned for part 2 of our look at commitment which will be up later in the week.

PRACTICE
Take some time today to experiment with your hips and pelvis. Move them around in circles, back and forth side-to-side. Here's a YouTube clip I found if you want somewhere to start courtesy of Expert Village. Play with that for the rest of the week.

How do you feel? What are you noticing about your body?

Throughout the next week or two, keep working with your hips. Add your chest and shoulders if you like. After a week or so, do you notice any changes?

-May All Beings Be Sexy

Check out Dan's writing on relationships at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com and learn how to get Dan's DATING FOR SHY GUYS book.

First Heart Way meeting of 2011 is January 11 at Woodcroft Library. Email thegatewayboyfriend@gmail for registration.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Commitment (Part 1)

Commitment is a strange thing.

One person refuses to commit, jumping from one partner to the next. Another over-commits, devoting themselves to someone so completely they drive that person away.

Some people say they are frightened of commitment. Some people commit too quickly.

They are symptoms of the same problem--a fundamental misunderstanding about what commitment is and how it works.

It’s a word. The only meaning it has is the meaning we give it. For some of us, it’s terrifying. It fills our heads with thoughts of being shackled, suffocated, and grounded. For another it’s the holy grail of relationship, the lighthouse that guides us home.

But it’s just a word.

Looking for commitment is looking for something that exists only in our own mind. Committing is holding ourselves to our own standards. It’s good to know what those standards are. It’s even better to live up to them.

But that’s not commitment. That’s YOU.

Don’t look for commitment. Don’t look to commit. Don’t look at words.

Look at what is HAPPENING.

Relationships follow a path of their own. You don’t need to decide where that path leads. All you have to do is answer one question.

“How do I feel about things right now?”

Ask that question and keep asking it. Ask it when that first message appears in the inbox of your internet dating site. Ask it when the handsome stranger asks you for your number.

Ask it before you have sex with someone. Ask it after you’ve spent six months, a year, five years, or fifty together.

If you are comfortable now, you do not have to stop seeing someone because you have fears about the future.

If you are feeling doubts even though you can‘t put your figure on why, you do not have to go ‘all in’ because you’re afraid this chance will never happen again.

Commitment tends to happen naturally as the relationship evolves. If the relationship needs to end, you will know. If you want the relationship to continue, you will know.

Trust yourself.

Don’t worry about committing or from running away from commitment.

If you are going to make a commitment, commit to trusting your own judgement.

Sometimes, it’s the only commitment you need.

-May All Beings Be Sexy

NEXT: Thanks to this article, you’ve got a grand new attitude towards commitment . Our next installment is dedicated to another commitment cwestion--er--question: “How do I know when someone is committed to me?”

Check out Dan's writing on relationships at thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.com and learn how to get Dan's DATING FOR SHY GUYS book.

First Heart Way meeting of 2011 is January 11 at Woodcroft Library. Email thegatewayboyfriend@gmail for registration.