Tuesday, March 1, 2011
The Self-Taught Lover: How To Teach Yourself To Be Awesome At Sex
“Oh man,” a girlfriend once told me, “I wish I had a penis.”
Perhaps a little context is in order. Allow me to provide some.
We were talking about sex. I had just finished informing her on interesting things about erection, ejaculation, and orgasm and how unlike both love and marriage and a horse and carriage, it is indeed possible to have one (or even two) of the three without the other.
A man can ejaculate without feeling an orgasm. He can also orgasm without an erection. Less common is the ability to have an orgasm without ejaculating, but it's happened to me and others.
She didn’t know those things. Which isn’t a reflection on her at all.
Good sex requires both education and experience.
Unfortunately, education and experience aren’t as easy to come by as you might think. There’s a lot of misinformation out there and even the good books often leave things out. All of this makes education harder.
Similarly, experience doesn’t come just from a lot of sex. You also have to be willing to experiment, to pay attention to your partner and yourself, to notice what is working and what isn‘t, and be willing to admit you don’t know everything.
Oh yeah, and you have to be able to communicate.
It sounds like an awful lot of work. But it isn't, because it's also a lot of fun.
If you aren't having fun, nothing above will help you. If you're having trouble enjoying sex, drop everything and just focus on having a good time before worrying about anything I talked about above.
And if you find yourself constantly not enjoying sex...well there are a lot of reasons people can have trouble with sex from problems in the relationship, past trauma, health problems or...well, anything. It's relatively common, but it won't get better until you stop and take a look at what's happening in your life.
Most people don’t know as much about sex as they think they do. For me, the more I learn, the more I discover I don't know.
But I keep learning, although in fairness, I’m a giant nerd about sex, dating, and relationships. Of course, I’ve found being a giant nerd about such things has paid off immeasurably in my personal life.
You might not have the information yet. You might not have the right experience.
But you can have the right attitude--a desire to find out what works for you and your partner(s) present and future, a willingness not to put too much pressure on yourself, and, oh yeah, that having fun thing we talked about earlier.
Once you’ve got that attitude a lot of the rest falls into place--whether you have a penis or not.
-May All Beings Be Sexy
Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.