Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Every Relationship Ends
There is no such thing as a relationship that lasts forever.
A comedian I worked with put it best: “What’s the reward for a successful relationship? One of you gets to watch the other die. The prize is loneliness.”
Every relationship ends.
They end, but they also never stop, not while you‘re part of them.
We tell ourselves there is happily ever after. “When the wedding is over, things will settle down.” “Once work gets less crazy, he’ll pay more attention to me.”
People change. Circumstances change. You are never at the finish line. I’m now at the age where my friends are starting to get divorced. In at least three cases, the divorce caught me completely by surprise. I remember thinking “What happened? You guys MADE it.”
If this couple can’t make it work, what hope for the rest of us?
There are two things we must understand.
- Every relationship ends.
- It can end an any time. It doesn‘t matter whether you‘ve been together five weeks, five years, or five decades…there is no point at which you can say ‘we made it.’
There's no question, I feel sad when I think of this.
But I also choose to see it as liberating.
There are many of us out there who worry about our relationships. We think if we say the right things or do the right things or be the right person we can make our things work. We also think if the relationship falters, it’s because we’re bad, broken, or unlovable. Sometimes we even get angry at our partners for things not working. We're doing everything we can and they just won't respond the way we want them to.
By reminding myself all relationships end, I take a lot of pressure off myself.
I don’t have to stress about whether or not we will last as a couple. I can let go of trying to hold the relationship together and enjoy what’s there instead of worrying about the future.
None of us can ever know what’s going to happen.
So instead of worrying about the relationship, I can concentrate on the person I’m in the relationship with.
Relationships might not last forever, but as long as we’re there, we can do the best we can for ourselves and for the other person.
Valar Morghulis. All things must die. With human lives, we judge them on the quality of their life, not the length of it.
Let’s do the same with our relationships.
-May All Beings Be Sexy
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