Monday, January 31, 2011

Come One, Come All

To the Heart Way meeting tomorrow evening.

email thegatewayboyfriend@gmail.com for details.

-May All Beings Be Sexy

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.

Join The Heart Way Support Group on Facebook here.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Next Tuesday Is the Next Heart Way Meeting

Email to register.

I'll be out of town most of the weekend, but will be checking email periodically.

Details for the meeting are here.

-May All Beings Be Sexy

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.

Join The Heart Way Support Group on Facebook here.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Beyond Right and Wrong

"There is a field out beyond right and wrong. I will meet you there."
-Rumi


If you’ve read my last two posts, you’ll have noticed a pattern.

Making yourself right is a problem. Labelling yourself wrong is a problem.

So then, wise guy, I hear you ask. How are we suppose to deal with conflict?

And the answer is: Let them know where you’re at. And open yourself up to where they are.

It’s a simple two step process. You A) Tell them what is going on and B) Invite feedback.

Here are some examples:

"I can’t see myself continuing in a relationship without some kind of commitment. Where are you at?

“I’ve known you for two minutes, and I can tell I want to know more about you. Let’s go sit over there where it’s quieter.”

“I’ve had a good time tonight and I don’t want it to end. How would you feel about coming back to my place and checking out my collection of Nigerian spam emails?”


We’ve talked about the Opposites before. Dating is full of opposites, but is also about moving beyond the Opposites.

No more I am right; you are wrong.

No more I am bad; you are good.

Get yourself on the same page: “This is where I am. This is where you are.”

And then, the interesting question.

What happens next?

PRACTICE

1 - Think of a conflict in your life where you are thinking in terms of right or wrong. It can be a conflict with a specific person (“Bethany’s crazy”), a specific group of people (“Women are crazy”) or even yourself (“I’m crazy for falling for these crazy women all the time”).

Can you rethink this conflict so that it isn’t about right or wrong but where you are and where the other person is? What happens when you do this?

2 - Practice communicating where you are and what you want and then asking where the other person is at.

Here are a couple practice situations.

- Your feelings about when to have sex

- How much independence you expect to have in a relationship

- Where you stand on dating more than one person at the same time

Now try it in real life with the people around you.

Feel free to post yours in the comments section or email thegatewayboyfriend@gmail.com for help.

-May All Beings Be Sexy

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.

Join The Heart Way Support Group on Facebook here.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Thinking You Are Always Wrong.



There are few things more infuriating than a person who thinks they are always right. When that person is you...well, we talked about that issue recently.

But what about a person who always thinks they`re in the wrong?

For some of us--including myself--this is a seductive position. When you beat up on yourself, other people are more likely to be sympathetic. You can cloak yourself in victim hood. And as long as you are always wrong, you can always count on having someone close at hand to blame.

Unfortunately, as nice as those things are, none of them will lead you towards happiness.

Kudos to you for remaining open to the possibility of being mistaken. That’s an admirable thing.

Do remember though, being aware that you might be wrong is not the same thing as believing that you are wrong.

Maybe you’re wrong; maybe you aren’t. Maybe you’re in a position where there is no clear cut right or wrong.

What we want to pay attentio to is thoughts like:

I shouldn’t feel this way
Or…

I’m a bad person for wanting X.

Those thoughts are not helpful. They come up and there's no point pretending they aren't there, but it IS important to recognize they are thoughts. They aren't necessarily facts.

Even if you are wrong, that doesn’t mean you deserve unhappiness or need to be punished. You are allowed to want what you want, regardless of whether it is something you think you ‘should‘ want.

You are allowed to be wrong. You are allowed to make mistakes. You can’t learn without them, so celebrate those mistakes when you find them.

-May All Beings Be Sexy

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.

Join The Heart Way Support Group on Facebook here.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Get Ready For Valentine's Day WIth The Heart Way

Valentine's Day isn't always chocolate and roses. For some of us it can mean a lot of stress.

Fortunately, this special Valentine's Day Meeting of the Heart Way will talk about exactly that.

Whether you're single or attached, hooking up, breaking up, or ready to give up, The Heart Way is here to offer support as we work on becoming accountable for our own romantic happiness without guilt or blame.

There is no charge but donations are gratefully accepted.

WHEN: 7PM, Tuesday February 1
WHERE: Woodcroft Library Program Room - Edmonton

Space is limited. Email thegatewayboyfriend@gmail.com to register.

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.

Join The Heart Way Support Group on Facebook here.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Tomorrow Is The Big Day

For the first Heart Way meeting of the year.

There's still a couple spots left so don't be left out.

Details are here.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Five Days Until The Heart Way Meeting.

Ready to kick in the New Year with a better dating life?

Decided you want to improve where you are with your relationship this year?

The Heart Way's next Edmonton meeting is next Tuesday and there is still limited space available.

There is no charge but donations are gratefully accepted.

WHEN: 7PM, Tuesday, January 11
WHERE: Woodcroft Library Program Room - Edmonton

Space is limited. Email thegatewayboyfriend@gmail.com to register.

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.

Join The Heart Way Support Group on Facebook here.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Looking to Online Date?

Someone was kind enough to pass this article along. It's on choosing a site for online dating.

Hope you find it helfpul.

I'm flirting with the idea of posting links to articles on other sites, whether it's advice, relationship humor, or just stuff I found interesting.

We shall see.

-May All Beings Be Sexy

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.

Join The Heart Way Support Group on Facebook here.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

It Doesn’t Matter Whether Or Not You Are Right




I’ve touched on this before.

Be careful when you think you’re right.

You make all kinds of mistakes when you think you have the moral high ground. People use being “in the right” to justify some nasty behaviours.

Besides, sometimes, you might not be as right as you think you are.

Even if you are exactly right, that doesn’t guarantee things working out. And it isn’t an excuse for

How you act is just as important as why you act.

Decide what is most important to you.

Decide which battles to fight. There are things in this world worth fighting for. But not EVERYTHING--especially in a relationship--is one of those things.

Beware of being blinded by the belief you are always right. There’s only one other thing as dangerous.

Believing you are always wrong.

We’ll tackle that next article.

-May All Beings Be Sexy

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.

Join The Heart Way Support Group on Facebook here.