Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Where Oh Where Has The Gateway Boyfriend Gone?

You may have noticed it has been a couple weeks with no new post.

I am going through some personal upheaval right now. I'm still writing articles (even if I didn't, I still have a backlog ready to go up), but I'm taking the time to re-evaluate things.

The most important thing about this blog is that it remains honest, and that means not just posting articles, but posting articles that feel true to me.

Thank you for your patience.

-May All Beings Be Sexy

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Review Day

No new post today.

Instead we're going to review an old one. You can never spend too much time on the fundamentals.

Read this post here.

One of the reasons I'm picking this post in particular is because it's a mistake I recently made...again.

I feel I should have known better.

But it happens. None of us--even Gateway Boyfriends--are perfect, and even though I repeated a mistake or two, there are lots of mistakes I did NOT repeat. In fact, there were times I surprised myself with what I was able to do and which old patterns I was able to break.

That's why it can be so helpful to review things. Knowing something isn't always the same as understanding it, and sometimes going back over something can help us pick out elements we missed the first time.

Give the article a read. If you've already read it, dust it off, and give it another go.

I'll be right there beside you.

-May All Beings Be Sexy.

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Diary of a Gateway Boyfriend: The Sex Neurotic




I’m a big believer in being good in bed.

I want to be the sort of person that leaves my partner a better lover. Even if we grow in different directions, I want her to be able to enjoy sex even more fully with her next partner. I am determined to help every woman I have sex with on this issue, even if it means I have to spend hours and hours having sex with her.

No need to thank me, ladies. Just doing my job.

I am proud of my sexual skills. I trained hard for them. I read books and watched DVDs. I did tongue and lip exercises and practiced going down on my pillow. Eventually, I even had sex with real women, which also helped (*).

I’m wasn’t good all the time. There have been times I’m too rough, times I’ve been too--um--soft, and there’s been at least one memorable moment where in the throes of ecstasy I ground my chin into my partner‘s eye.

With each woman I learned a couple new things. Eventually I had more tricks in my repertoire than a street magician. Hey, look at this! Don’t like it? Try this one. Or THIS! Bet you’ve never seen THAT before. I was doing everything but pulling tied-together silk scarves from my mouth.

You know what else I learned? That having sex with a lot of people doesn’t automatically make you good in bed (I also learned being good in bed doesn’t even make you good in bed). Quality of experience counts for a lot. In other words, it’s less about the amount of horses as it is time in the saddle.

There are people who are actually worse in bed for having slept with a lot of people. Either they‘ve picked up bad habits, or they‘ve had enough bad partners in there that they’ve developed various insecurities and anxieties that make it hard for them to enjoy the experience

Historically, I’ve always gone for sex as soon as I could. I’ve always followed my Three-S Rule when it comes to Doing It with a new partner: I like it Safe, Satisfying, and as Soon as possible. Unlike some guys however, I wasn’t driven by horniness or the relentless ticking of the Beat-The-Friend-Zone Clock as much as insecurity. If she came until her legs spasmed , maybe she’d overlook the fact I was an Enormous Loser That No Woman With Healthy Self-Esteem Could Possibly Love.

Every time a woman told me, “I don’t normally do this,” as she pulled her shirt over her head, I breathed a silent sigh of relief (**). Every minute spent getting her to sing “ooh, baby” like a Stevie Knicks Edge of Seventeen back-up singer, was a minute’s reprieve from her realizing orgasmic bliss was the ONLY spoon in my otherwise-empty relationship cutlery drawer. And if I wasn’t as good as receiving pleasure as I was at giving it…well, who did it hurt ?

The correct answer is ‘me,’ but I didn‘t realize it at the time. It also hurt the women. My reluctance to lie back and let them show their stuff made often left them feeling like they were bad in bed.

Then one day, a woman turned me down.

I could tell she liked me. I was sure she was turned on (How could she not be? I had my MOVE!). With remarkable deftness, she captured my roving hands in hers and banished me to the couch.

The couch! I’m a professional dating expert, by gum. I NEVER get sent to the couch. Who did this woman think she was to resist my charms? Nobody puts Baby in a corner.

The novelty of the situation actually left me kind of charmed. I pulled a comforter over myself rolled over, and went to sleep.

What I didn‘t know was, up above, a drama was being played out in the woman’s mind.

GIRL (upstairs in bed): “I hope he doesn’t come back up here. I like him, but I’m not sure how MUCH I like him, and I‘m not sure how he feels about me setting those boundaries. It would be so awkward to turn him down again if he comes back up. Oh, please God, let him stay downstairs. If he comes back, I don’t know what I would…hey, how come he hasn’t come back yet?

ME: (downstairs on couch): ZZZZZZZZZ

GIRL: (upstairs in bed) Maybe he’s angry with me. That’s probably what happened. He was expecting more and when he didn’t get it, he got upset and left. He’s probably walking home thinking I‘m some frigid crazy person. He’s never going to call me again, which is fine. I’m not really looking for anything serious, and this way I don’t have to worry about hurting him. It’s better for both of us that he went.

DAN (downstairs): ZZZZZZZZ

GIRL: Oh God, I’ll NEVER FIND LOVE!

She tossed and turned; I drooled on her sofa cushion. Like the Sugarhill gang it went on and on until the break of dawn, at which point I had just enough time to register the pitter-patter of running feet before one hund--er, ninety-eight pounds of femininity landed on top of me showering me with kisses.

GIRL: YOU STAYED!!!
DAN: Whaafffzzz?

I guess there might be something to this waiting stuff after all.

(*) I never told the first woman I slept with she was my first until afterwards . Her response when I did? “If I’d known you were a virgin I’d have taken you into the forest before I deflowered you. You owe me a fucking unicorn.”

(**) I‘m not sure if this is because I have sexual super-powers or if some women say this to most guys they take to bed. If it‘s the latter, it‘s a good move. It boosts his ego and protects her reputation, and there’s no way he’ll ever find out because guys are too dumb to get together and compare notes. That being said, I’ve found the amount of time a woman waits before sex and the amount of time she SAYS she waits are two different numbers. Women I’d love to hear your comments on this.

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Liking Someone Is Scary...But So Is Being Liked

Liking somebody is scary.

You feel out of control. All of a sudden, somebody has power over you, and that isn’t an easy thing to accept. I think sometimes this is why it’s so much easier to date someone who likes you more than you like them. The lack of emotional investment gives you control.

But do you know what else is scary?

Being liked.

It’s frightening because you don’t know if you can live up to this person’s expectations. You pull away because you want them to like you and you don‘t want them to find out things about you that might make them change their mind. And of course there are those people out there who don’t think they deserve to be liked in the first place.

-May All Beings Be Sexy

Next Week: The Gateway Boyfriend's Quest to Be Good In Bed...and how it nearly drove him crazy.

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.