Here are my thoughts on the subject:
Regardless of what he wants, that is not cool. I know, because I've engaged in similar behaviour about a year ago after initiating a break-up and it did not help things for either of us.
I can't speak for the gentleman in question, but in my case, it was a combination of legitimate concern/affection for her, the ego stroke to my insecurity from feeling like somebody needed me, and wanting to keep the things I enjoyed about her without having to actually give up anything.
But probably 80% of it was based on "Not Wanting To Be The Bad Guy"
All I was doing was making it harder for the other person to move on because I wanted to feel less guilty.
It was also unfair to me. Even though the dump-ee gets most of the sympathy in a break-up, there's a grieving period for the dump-er too. And each time I reached out for the other person instead, I was "interrupting" that grieving period and making it harder for myself.
PRACTICE
What are your beliefs about being in touch with someone after you've broken up? What would make you rethink that policy? What have you done in the past? What were the results of those choices?
Thinking about those things now, what have you learned and what would you do differently in the future?
-May All Beings Be Sexy
ADDENDUM INSPIRED BY CORI'S THOUGHTS (November 26): But you know what? You could also always ASK the person how they would prefer you handle things. You're already breaking up with them. Instead of unilaterally deciding what's best for everybody, maybe there's something to be said for involving them in the process.
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When I break up with someone, I pretty much don't want to see or hear from them again. Sometimes for a few months; sometimes forever, depending on how I feel about them.
ReplyDeleteWhen I'm broken up with, though, I actually don't mind a text here and there, just to know they still care a little about me. But it's probably better for my mental if they don't, in the end, but it does mean (if they don't) that I am unlikely to stay friends with them, except in the most vague way.
With 1 exception, I don't care if I ever see any ex's after splitting up, and the exception to me is the one that I didn't want to end.
ReplyDeleteAs for my most recent one, I would love to run into her someday but just to see her pushing around her new kid and say "Haha" cause it's not mine.
Your second paragraph has got me thinking all over again, Cori :)
ReplyDeleteGatewayBoyfriends never stop learning either, it seems.