Saturday, February 25, 2012

Couples Wisdom - Words From A Wife

"I think every person in a relationship needs their own computer. I don't need to see the kind of porn he looks at, and he doesn't need to see the kind of porn I like looking at."

-May All Beings Be Sexy

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

A Prayer for the Lonely

I’m going to be single this Valentine’s Day, and I know I won‘t be the only one.

This one is dedicated all of those who feel lonely and loveless. I know what it is like to feel what you feel.

I’ll tell you what I’ve learned to do in those situations.

I go for a walk.

Often that walk will take me to a small shopping mall close to my apartment. I’ll walk through that mall and pay attention to the people I see.

I might see a teenage couple displaying affection for each other in a fashion highly inappropriate for public situations. I might see a husband and wife in the grocery store. Him pushing a shopping cart, her with her hand on his lower back. Last time I saw a 20-something brunette looking admiringly at her fella. The way she looked up at him and smiled before giving him a kiss…I felt her feeling for him all the way from the yogurt aisle.

Want to see love? It’s all around you. All you need to do is look.

A love that someone else is experiencing is still love. Love isn’t easy and it doesn’t always last. It’s a sad truth that most relationships end. Which makes appreciating it when its there all the more important.

Cherish those happy moments, even if they’re someone else’s moments. It’s still love.

It’s still a candle in the dark.

When I feel lonely, I walk the same mall.

This time I might also see an elderly person sitting alone at a food court. Or an exhausted looking woman sitting on a bench while her three small children shriek and run in all directions at once.

There, I’ll find the end to loneliness I’m looking for.

Loneliness isn’t something that cuts us off from one another. It’s something that brings us together, because it‘s something we share.

We all know what it feels like. Right now, there are people feeling lonely, people I’ve never met. Yet even though they are strangers to me, we are connected by our aloneness.

There are millions of people out there feeling what I am feeling right now.

I might be lonely, but I am far from alone.

-May You Be Sexy

-May You Be Loved

-May You Realize You Are Never Alone

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Comments on a Blog (Part 2)

The reason I love reading different perspectives, whether I agree with them or not, is because there are times one of them will really get me to think about something I hadn't considered before.

Today we continue our discussion around some of the issues brought up on the Nice Guy Posts at the No Seriously What About Teh Menz blog.

in the discussion threads, a number of commenters in the threads attempted to make a parallel between Nice Guys and Nice Girls (I believe it is somewhere in this thread).

And here is where someone dropped a bombshell on me.

A commentator named Pocketjacks suggested they weren't really comparable, saying in some ways, Nice Guys were the female equivalent of women who were told that guys didn't want to date them because they were "Strong Independent Women."

That made me stop. And think.

It had never crossed my mind before, but he more I think about it now, the more I believe that in mainstream heterosexual circles, there is a comparison to be made between Strong Independent Women and Nice Guys.

What they share is the sometimes unspoken, sometimes not implication that in order to be romantically successful nice guys/outspoken women have to suppress, change, or fight against what feels like their natural personality. And the Geordian knot is tightened when those same messages mixed in with 'be yourself' rallying cries from all and sundry.

Which, quite frankly, sucks.

There are times I have tried to suppress parts of myself in a relationship.

It didn't make those parts go away.

In some cases, it’s made it harder for me and harder for partner down the road because when they come out, she feels she’s getting something that wasn’t advertised on the package, while I feel the stress of simultaneously wanting to suppress my less-attractive qualities with the desire to be recognized and appreciated for who I am, bad qualities and all.

Playing that game is a no win situation.

If I could go back in time, I would tell myself not to make that mistake.

Because the younger me used to believe that getting a steady romantic partner or even just getting laid would somehow make me better or fix me or prove I wasn’t a worthless failure. I’d see people with partners and think they had it better than me and had things all figured out.

That hasn't been the case.

Getting a partner isn’t the same as getting a COMPATIBLE partner and it definitely isn’t the same as KEEPING a partner.

Moreover, although the stressors and joys are different, I haven’t noticed an appreciable difference in personal happiness whether I’m single, in a long term monogamous relationship, or just plain old screwing around. I have the same strengths and the same flaws.

So if there are people like I used to be who used to think there is something wrong with them or everybody knows some magical dating secret that you don’t, I’d really like to emphasize that isn’t true. If you see me walking down the streets holding hands with someone, I might look like I have it all together, but if you could see in my head, you would probably see someone who is probably just as confused as you are.

-May All Beings Be Sexy

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.