Thursday, March 29, 2012

Fear Itself




I had time this weekend to think about fear in relationships.

One of the most wonderful things about dating and relationships is how much it teaches you about yourself. And sometimes learning about yourself means confronting things about yourself you don't like or even particularly want to see.

Fear. Jealousy. Insecurity. Those are as much a part of people as love and lust and trust. Which means sooner or later you're going to have to deal with them.

Here's my brief, not-completely-thought-out take on the subject.

There is nothing you can do about what your partner does. The choices they make and the consequences of those decisions are their own. You can ask them to change or tell them what will happen if they don't, but otherwise...it's out of your control. If you can't live with their behaviour, break up with them. But their issues are not your problem.

HOWEVER...

the fears, jealousies, insecurities or negative emotions you have around those issues--whether those issues are real or imagined--are YOUR problem. Their level of honesty, for example, is entirely up to them. But if you're afraid they're lying to you...the fear is all yours, whether it's founded or not.

We can't necessarily control what we're afraid of. We can't tell fear to go away or will ourselves not to be possessive, obsessive, or make-a-mess-ive.

But we can give ourselves permission to feel those feelings and really look at them. You don't have to analyze them. You don't have to like them. You just...watch them.

And eventually you learn fear isn't a big deal. It ebbs and flows, rises and passes away, just like everything else. You may even notice that how afraid you are has has no bearing on what actually happens...unless you make the mistake of letting your fear make your decisions for you.

-May All Beings Be Sexy

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Shortest Break-Up Story I've Ever Heard

"He hit her so she stole his weed and came here."

11 one-syllable words. And yet I have no questions.

-May All Beings Be Sexy

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.

Friday, March 9, 2012

Playing Dumb

This is probably a huge generalization, but I've noticed that men and women who would be classified as logical or thinkers often have the most problems dating. I suspect it's because they're used to reasoning their way through problems and dating doesn't work like that.

Intelligence is attractive, but 'thinking your way through a relationship' isn't. At least it hasn't been to the women I've tried it with.

That's why I wonder how much use a lot of dating and relationship books are (Which is ironic since I've written one myself).

Dating is skill-based learning, not knowledged-based. Which means trying to get good at relationships through research and study is like thinking you can learn to become a starting NFL quarterback by joining a fantasy league.

-May All Beings Be Sexy

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.