Tuesday, February 18, 2014

(Editorial) Masculinity and Femininity

Every once and a while on the internet Ill read something about re-defining masculinity or taking femininity back. Usually it turns out to be an essay about why men and women need to change--either a call for a return to the good old days or a demand for progress.

 On a social-political level it makes sense. On an individual or relationship level, its important to be careful.

 Its easy to spend a lot of time wondering what it means to be a man or a woman, especially these days where roles and rules seem to be a constantly moving target. Its easy to get caught up in either trying to measure up to those roles, fight against them, or try to change and redefine them.

 I want you to remember something though.

Masculinity is not a thing. You cant hold it in your hand or measure it or trade it to a passing merchant for a handful of magic beans. You cant pop over to the neighbours and borrow a cup of femininity.
These things are IDEAS.

You can never measure up to them. You cant transform them. You cant shatter them.

Why? Because they dont exist except inside hearts and minds.

 Many of us find ourselves struggling with our own definitions of what it means to be a man or woman. Some of us are trying to live up to that role. Others are resisting it. Others are fighting against it or to redefine or change it with our choices.

But there is nothing there to change. Theres nothing to hold on to. Theres nothing to redefine.

There is no masculinity or femininity there. Because these things are ideas and the idea of a man can no more be a man than a picture of a Ferrari can drive you to work.

Ultimately, we are wrestling with ghosts, spending time and energy to prove something that cant be proven, change something that cant be changed, or fight something that cant be fought.

At the individual and relationship level, the solution is to let go. Dont worry about what it means to be a man. Dont concern yourself with what it means to be a woman. Sever the Gordian knot by recognizing the whole thing is an illusion.

You arent chained to an idea. Youre free to be you, anyway you like.

 Enjoy it and use it wisely.

-May All Beings Be Sexy