These things aren't new. They've been around since I first dedicated myself to improving my dating life, long before it occurred to me to write for others.
But when I read about it now, it seems a little different. I get the feeling the people who are writing these things aren't actually dating anyone.
See, a lot of these theories, at least as I experienced them, weren't really intended to be scientific. They were guys going out, trying to meet women, and then trying to explain the results of their observations--sort of like late-night dorm room speculation. We weren't trying to prove anything; we were trying to make sense of what we experienced in the real world.
But now it seems as though a lot of guys have it backwards. Instead of forming theories to fit their observations, they seem to be starting with theory and then trying to shoehorn reality to fit it. Their taking dope-fuelled dorm room speculation and building an ideology around it. And when it doesn't work out, they claim that the theory was right and reality was wrong.
I'll say it again. These theories are NOT supposed to be science. They're supposed to be useful and help enjoy dating and romantic success.
Lately it seems like guys have latched on to these theories as a way of justifying resentment or rationalizing some negative attitudes including Men Giving The Fuck Up or whatever they call themselves.
It's fine to be angry. It's okay to be resentful. There's nothing wrong with deciding to take a break from dating.
I've been there myself. I may not agree with the MRA movement, but there are moments I relate very strongly to what they are feeling.
But trying to build and ideology around resentment, and worse, turning something that was supposed to make guys' lives better into this distorted excuse for hating women leaves me feeling sad, angry, and disillusioned.
When it comes to dating and relationships, there's nothing wrong with theories.
But theory won't help you if it isn't grounded in reality and flexible enough to accomodate actual human behaviour.
-May All Beings Be Sexy
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