Showing posts with label theory. Show all posts
Showing posts with label theory. Show all posts

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

(Editorial) On Theories of Game

It's odd to read the internet these days, especially with regards to 'Theories of Game.' I read about 'alphas' and 'hypergamy' and 'attraction switches' and evolutionary theory.

These things aren't new. They've been around since I first dedicated myself to improving my dating life, long before it occurred to me to write for others.

But when I read about it now, it seems a little different. I get the feeling the people who are writing these things aren't actually dating anyone.

See, a lot of these theories, at least as I experienced them, weren't really intended to be scientific. They were guys going out, trying to meet women, and then trying to explain the results of their observations--sort of like late-night dorm room speculation. We weren't trying to prove anything; we were trying to make sense of what we experienced in the real world.

But now it seems as though a lot of guys have it backwards. Instead of forming theories to fit their observations, they seem to be starting with theory and then trying to shoehorn reality to fit it. Their taking dope-fuelled dorm room speculation and building an ideology around it. And when it doesn't work out, they claim that the theory was right and reality was wrong.

I'll say it again. These theories are NOT supposed to be science. They're supposed to be useful and help enjoy dating and romantic success.

Lately it seems like guys have latched on to these theories as a way of justifying resentment or rationalizing some negative attitudes including Men Giving The Fuck Up or whatever they call themselves.

It's fine to be angry. It's okay to be resentful. There's nothing wrong with deciding to take a break from dating.

I've been there myself. I may not agree with the MRA movement, but there are moments I relate very strongly to what they are feeling.

But trying to build and ideology around resentment, and worse, turning something that was supposed to make guys' lives better into this distorted excuse for hating women leaves me feeling sad, angry, and disillusioned.

When it comes to dating and relationships, there's nothing wrong with theories.

But theory won't help you if it isn't grounded in reality and flexible enough to accomodate actual human behaviour.

-May All Beings Be Sexy

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

The Myth of the Red Pill



Or not...


I noticed the other day I get a lot of traffic from Susan Walsh's Hooking Up Smart.

Since I've got you in my clutches, I wanted to address a popular misinterpretation that seems to be common on that particular blog, and that is the concept of Red Pill World vs. the world of the Blue Pill.

The Red Pill is an oft-used metaphor on Susan Walsh's blog about "The Way Things Really Are Between Men and Women." It's a land of alpha and beta males, of attraction switches, and sexual marketplaces. They often contrast this with the world of the Blue Pill, which is a view of reality that is based on romantic comedies and idealistic notions of love and faithfulness. The world of the Blue Pill is the world of what we say we want or the way we would like our lives to be as opposed to the way people often behave.

It's important to be careful when "taking the Red Pill."  "Red pill world" might be more real than "blue pill world," but it still isn't reality.

The whole 'pill' system Red OR Blue is a way people make sense of their experiences. But they aren't the experiences themselves.

There's nothing wrong with living in Red Pill or Blue Pill land. The problem is when Red Pill People and Blue Pill People meet.

Two people on the Blue Pill can get along just fine. Two Red pill people...they both know what the score is.
But when people on two different worldview prescriptions come together, hurt feelings ensue.

A more common problem that Red Pill Subscribers run into is they think they're view is the correct view of the world and anything else is just fairy tale nonsense.

They're wrong.

One of the things not many people will tell you (because many of them don't know it themselves) is that the Red Pill is an incomplete representation of reality in a lot of ways. It isn't the end.

People write about reality like its one or the other, like the movie "The Matrix" (hence the pill metaphor).  A more accurate comparison would be with the movie "Inception" with one level stacked upon another, a dream within a dream within a dream. Red Pill Land is in the middle somewhere, but it isn't the end.

One of the many focuses of Red Pill Land is differences. Differences between what people say and what they do, differences between men and women, differences between Alpha and Beta. It can be disenheartening and seem overly adversarial.

But if you can accept it and move past it, you start to enter the next level which focuses on how people are at their core, the same. You start seeing that despite their apparent differences most of us want the same sorts of things, love, acceptance, companionship, that at heart, men and women, alpha and beta, have more similarities than differences. I think we come away feeling less judgmental, more compassionate, and more accepting, not just of others, but of ourselves.

The first level (Blue Pill Land), you learn about people from what they say.

In Red Pill Land you learn about people from what they do.

And on the next level you start to learn about people from who they are.

Anyway, I encourage you and others who are having trouble with what they're seeing to keep plugging away. Contrary to what cynics or people still hopelessly mired in Red Pill Land tell you, there's a lot more out there.

And when you find it, it's worth getting there.

-May All Beings Be Sexy

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.